Self Harm

Self-harm is an act of emotional desperation. It is a last-resort action that occurs when a teenager feels so intensely overwhelmed that they are willing to substitute emotional pain for physical pain. This is a relatively modern phenomenon that tends to affect females more than males. It offers a form of "pseudo-relief" from emotional distress—a sense of control over pain that, for many, can feel curiously satisfying. Many teenagers with a history of cutting have told me that they eventually "get used to it" and become very reluctant to stop. In more severe cases, it becomes their primary coping mechanism for dealing with any form of emotional discomfort.

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Understanding "Cutting"

 

"Cutting" is generally performed with a small, sharp blade that is easily hidden. The cuts are usually small and may appear in clusters of two or three. Teens who cut may also pick at scabs to make the wound bleed again, which increases the likelihood of scarring. While these cuts rarely become a serious medical emergency on their own, the serious concern lies in their connection to suicidal behavior. While self-harm is not always a direct attempt at suicide, teenagers who engage in self-injury are at a significantly higher risk for suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

There is a heavy burden of shame surrounding self-harm. Teens will almost always take measures to hide their marks, either by wearing long sleeves in the heat or cutting in areas easily covered by clothing. Most of their anxiety centers on how others will react when the self-harm is discovered.

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The Path to Healing

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In my experience, self-harming behaviors typically do not last long once a strong therapeutic relationship is established and proper treatment begins to address the intensity of the emotional distress. Teenagers often find that talking through their intense emotions—while the emotion is present—acts as a real relief, making the physical self-harm unnecessary. Once they have a healthy alternative, they often lose interest in self-injury quite quickly.

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For Parents: How to React

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For parents, discovering that your child is self-harming can be shocking and heartbreaking. No parent imagines their child treating themselves this way. However, most parents eventually recognize that cutting is a surface-level manifestation of a deeper emotional problem and seek help quickly.

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It is important to know that teens can feel even more distressed if they believe their parents are "falling apart" because of their behavior. If you suspect your child is self-harming, ask them gently but directly. Show them that while the behavior is worrying and unacceptable, you can remain composed and be a steady source of support.​