Family life should be a source of healthy refuge for teenagers. Home should feel safe, comfortable, a place to rest and recharge. A healthy enough family life has a tremendously healing and growth promoting effect on teenagers.  The good relationships that exist in a healthy family are also the most powerful protective factors that a teenager can have in their lives. At the same time every family should have fights and problems that all members participate in once in a while. Problems and conflict are essential to a healthy enough family. If you're family isn't experiencing any fighting at all you're doing something wrong. The experience of resolving family problems is just as important as the presence of love, peace and support. When families can't reach resolutions or find ways to mend the hurt that happens when they fight family conflict goes from useful to hurtful. This has a strong negative impact on teenagers because it deprives them of the strength that healthy family relationships give them. So, it's important for family with lots of unresolved conflict to learn to fight well so they can find a way to have the fight run it's course and ends with a sense of resolution, understanding and mended and evolved relationships. Pretending a fight never happened and hoping that it won't happen again doesn't work. 

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For this common problem parenting help and family therapy are usually a part of the treatment. We work to shed light on the patterns of conflict and what the real effects of them are. This insight usually helps and I may offer more specific instruction to as an alternative. Making progress on excessive and unresolved family conflict is a powerful healing experience for everyone. ​​

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Below is a list questions to ask yourself to help determine if your family is needlessly suffering from regular fighting.

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