Anger Management

Gun Powder is one of the most helpful metaphors I use when talking to teenagers about anger and rage. If you don't know how to use gun powder it is a dangerous hazard. But, if you become intimate with how it works it becomes a powerful tool. When you know how to use it gun powder can blast tunnels through mountains, create beautiful fireworks and serve as a precise way to defend yourself and others without hurting yourself in the process. When teenagers become familiar with their anger and understand where it comes from, why it can be so intense and what to do about it they take steps towards their own emotional mastery. I find that all anger makes sense when you understand it enough. Sufficient understanding can help teenagers to avoid all the collateral damage that comes with an unsophisticated understanding and expression of this powerful emotion.

When teenagers feel a lot of regular anger and rage it is usually a consequence of being naive about their anger. They tend to hold it until it blows up or swallow it until it becomes self loathing. Anger can point the way to deep and unhealed pain. It can be the result of mistreatment, trauma of grief. It can mean that they're not using it to stand up for themselves. It can mask the presence of fear or a sense of powerlessness. 

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Healthy anger means being willing to experience it fully then reflect on it before acting. It can come to the rescue in a moment of genuine danger and stop mistreatment of many varieties in it's tracks. Healthy anger plays a role in self respect and establishing healthy boundaries with people so we don't get taken advantage of. Getting comfortable with your anger can help you separate it from the healthy aggression it takes to go for what you want. 

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Parenting a teenager that has trouble with their anger is tricky. You have to give it room to come out but it's your responsibility as a parent to show them the proper ways of expressing it. You don't want to shut down or punish anger itself, just the action that is used in a destructive way. Some parents fall into the trap of trying to help their teenagers stay positive. But in practice, this contributes to stuffing their anger down and may make teenagers feel wrong for feeling it leading to self esteem issues. As an expert in teen counseling and parenting its my job to help you navigate through these treacherous waters with your teenager.